Setting the Thanksgiving Table: Family, Food and Finances

Thanksgiving has a way of bringing everyone to the table. One more chair, another plate, maybe even a spot at the kids’ table. We squeeze in, pass the food, and somehow make it work.

But making room in your finances to support the people you love can be more complicated than simply pulling up another chair to the table.

Over time, your financial responsibilities grow—mine certainly have! You may be raising kids, assisting an aging parent, or supporting an adult child who depends on you financially.  A new marriage, a growing family, or an unexpected loss changes the picture.

Supporting the people you love can be rewarding. But as more people depend on you, there’s one question worth asking: Can your finances support everyone, including you?

The Sandwich Generation: Supporting Parents and Children

Nearly 17 million Americans are raising children while also caring for an adult with a complex medical condition or disability. On average, these “sandwich generation” caregivers provide about 27 hours of care each week.

Caregiving may include transportation, appointments, household tasks or financial assistance—all while managing your own career and family.

And while caring for loved ones often comes naturally, the financial impact can be harder to manage. Look for benefits and community resources that can help share the responsibility.

Take action: Explore USAAEF’s Caregiver Financial Wellness Guide for practical guidance on managing your financial well-being while caring for others.

Helping Aging Parents Manage Their Finances

You don’t have to be a caregiver to worry about an aging parent’s financial well-being. And when military service or life takes you hundreds of miles away, looking out for them can be even more challenging. I’ve learned firsthand that one of the hardest parts isn’t always figuring out how to help. It’s convincing a parent who has spent a lifetime being independent that they might need a little help in the first place.

Help them simplify their money by consolidating financial accounts, setting up direct deposit and enabling bank alerts. Share information about the warning signs for scams and fraud, Organize important financial and legal documents. Consider keeping a securely shared list of medications, doctors and medical history.

You don’t need to take control of their finances to protect them. Staying involved, identifying trusted contacts and having a plan can make all the difference.

Take action: Help your loved ones get organized. Order USAAEF’s free Estate Planning Guide and leather padfolio to store important documents and help protect their financial future.

Setting Financial Boundaries With Adult Children

Children becoming adults doesn’t necessarily mean financial support ends. However, as the father of a 22-year-old, I certainly hope that day is coming soon!

In a Pew Research Center survey, 59% of parents with children ages 18–34 said they had provided financial help to an adult child during the previous year.

Helping isn’t necessarily a problem. Open-ended help can be.

Agree on what you’ll pay for, how much you’ll contribute and when the arrangement will be revisited. Three months of rent, for example, creates different expectations than paying rent indefinitely.

Financial boundaries can help adult children build independence while protecting your own financial future.

Take action: Use USAAEF’s Budget Builder to determine how much support you can realistically provide and require your child to complete one to calculate how much they actually need!

Budgeting for Financial Support to Family

Financial support can flow the other direction, too. About one-third of adults ages 18–34 reported providing financial help to their parents during the previous year.

For young Service members earning their first steady paycheck, helping relatives back home may become another regular expense.

If supporting family is important to you, give it a place in your budget. Decide what you can comfortably give while continuing to build emergency savings, manage debt and save for your own goals.

And remember, financial support doesn’t always have to mean writing a check. Helping loved ones find community programs, benefits or other resources can make a meaningful difference without putting your own finances at risk.

Take action: Remember, a budget can include generosity. Make family support part of your budget, not an unexpected expense. If your own household is experiencing financial hardship, explore assistance through your military relief society or nonprofit organizations. Eligibility requirements apply.

Blending Families and Finances

About 17% of U.S. children live in blended families, which can create additional financial considerations across households.

Children, stepchildren, former spouses, current spouses and extended family may all come with different responsibilities and expectations.

Talk openly about who pays for what and periodically review your insurance, beneficiaries and estate documents. A change in your family may mean it’s time for a change in your financial plan.

And don’t assume everyone shares the same expectations about money. Conversations about financial priorities, obligations and boundaries can help prevent misunderstandings before they become bigger problems.

Take action: Explore USAAEF’s financial planning resources and consider meeting with a financial counselor to review your family’s needs.

Who Has a Seat at Your Financial Table?

This Thanksgiving, look beyond who’s sitting around your dinner table and consider who’s sitting at your financial table.

There’s an old Greek saying that loosely translates to “One hand washes the other, and together they wash the face.” It’s a reminder that family is about helping one another. But that support works best when everyone contributes what they can.

Who depends on you? How much are you providing? Is the support temporary or ongoing? And does your financial plan account for it?

Setting financial boundaries doesn’t mean you care any less. It means making sure you can continue supporting the people you love without putting your own financial future at risk.

There may always be another chair to pull up to the table.

The USAA Educational Foundation is a nonprofit, tax-exempt IRS 501(c)(3) and cannot endorse or promote any commercial supplier, product, or service. The content of this blog is intended for information purposes only and does not constitute legal, tax, or financial advice.